Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition; it’s at least 60/60 (but may sometimes feel like to each like it’s 90/10). For a relationship to be even close to “equal”, each person has to do a little more than what he or she thinks his or her share is.
If you are unhappy with your relationship, you probably feel that you’re not getting as much as you’re giving. We are more likely to recite our own contributions and devalue those of our partner or think about what we are missing.
If you don’t have the quality relationship you desire, you have four alternatives:
1. Accept it for what it is;
2. Suffer and resent it;
3. End the relationship;
4. Work a making it better.
You are not a victim. You are in relationship by choice. If necessary, you can bring about changes in your relationship entirely on your own – without any help from your partner.
Frequently the simplest changes in your actions toward your mate can have an enormous and even lasting impact. Behavior change often precedes feeling change.
If we devoted a fraction of the time, effort, and thought to improving our relationships that we do to our work or to our leisure time interests, the results would be even more rewarding.
The work you put into your relationship is not done for your partner’s benefit. It is not even done for this relationship. It is done for yourself!
A relationship is, among other things, a vehicle for personal growth. Therefore, any effort that you put into it should not be resented, but rather viewed as an investment in yourself.
Rather than expecting your partner to take care of you, take of yourself – and you will both benefit.
© 2012, Oren Pardes. All rights reserved.